Because this made my DAY

She fails at so much more than just dancing...

now, watch it ALL.. to the very end.. 

it's worth it.

Leadershit through the ages

I have a serious question for all of you – do I look responsible?

 

I am willing to guess that a decent number of will respond with “NO” in a certain amount of haste. It still amazes me that I have been placed into any position where I wield an extensive amount of power, responsibility and decision making. You give me a budget of thousands of dollars? Really?! You’re lucky I don’t take the bulk of my Class Council finances, blow it on liquor and booze only for the excuse to call is a “Senior Class Meeting.” I laugh at you, dear Peace College, that you have allowed me the prestigious title of Senior Class President.

 

Then again, at times I ponder over the idiotic predicament the school has allowed themselves to fall into. Clearly, there are, and have been, worse leaders than I. For the sake of myself, and the beloved institute of Peace, let us look a little more deeply into these cataclysmic cases of clout carrying catastrophes.

 

15th Century – Vald the Impaler

            He was clearly admired by someone, that of course being Bram Stoker since he is the inspiration for his forever famous blood yearning character, Dracula. The real life Vlad had quite the reputation. While holding the crown of Wallachain he was known for his, um, excessive force in controlling the invasion of his enemies. The German stories of our dear buddy Vlad include impaling, torturing, burning, skinning, roasting, and boiling people, feeding people the flesh of their friends or relatives, cutting off limbs, drowning, and nailing people's hats to their heads. His victims included men and women of all ages, religions and social classes. Clearly, he was well rounded and by no means discriminatory!

 

16^th Century – Henry VIII

            I was once told of King Henry VIII greatness and vision due to his starting the Church of England. Look kids, a lot of people start churches; that doesn’t make them all great vessels of our Holy Father. After all, Warren Jeffs was seen as a divine leader of his little religious sect – COUGHcultCOUGH. Now look, he’s jailed for sex crimes out the wahzoo. But I digress. Good ol’ Henry broke away from the Church because of his inability to, well, keep it in his pants. Apparently the Church looks down on that. Maybe I’ll start my OWN religion – The Grande Church of Promiscuous Homosexuality.

 

Late 1800’s – Jefferson Davis

            The guy just didn’t know when to say when. President of the Confederate States of America he couldn’t seem to hack it against a larger... more equipped... technologically advanced Union. Yet he pressed on! – Which I must commend him for somewhat. His “nah, we’ll get’em!” approached prolonged a war that had been over long before it really did manage to come to an end. Captured and charged for treason he was eventually stripped of all eligibility to run for any kind of public office. Maybe he should have started a cult with Jeffs.

 

Early 1900’s – Adolf Hitler

            The fact that I have to say anything about this gem of a man worries me. I pray that just listing him is enough. If not, welcome to planet Earth and be sure to read a damn book.

 

Mid 1900’s – Joesph Stalin

            Joe sure didn’t know how to keep friends. Upon his coming into power the 1930’s saw him pull a remarkable move known as the “Great Purge.” This nifty little act off-ed nearly every single person in the Communist Party that had brought him into power. It was said that nearly 1.2 million party members were arrested and 600,000 were tortured and executed. Apparently he wasn’t a comrade to watch Sunday Night Football with.

 

1970’s – Pol Pot

            Communism just hasn’t faired well, now has it? Under Mr. Pot 25% of Cambodia’s population keeled over from either A) Starvation B) Being Overworked C) Executions or D) All of the above. Apparently he has an “out with the old, in with the new” view point as well, ridding the “old society” of disloyal bastards by shooting them or, I kid you not, “bludgeoning” them with an ax. Good show ol’ chap.

 

1980’s to now – Robert Mugabe

            Now how does someone take a nation with a life expectancy of 62 and have it plummet to 38? Oh, Mugabe, how Zimbabwe loves you. He even launched a campaign names Operation Murambatsvina a.k.a. “Clean the Filth.” It’s quite obvious his PR people were working over time on that one. Especially with it being so successful at evicting 700,000 people to “restore order and sanity.” Um, kids, I think you missed one.

 

I would pick on G.W.B., but I feel that I have sufficiently boosted my morale.

 

So maybe I’m not the picture perfect class president. Maybe I’m not what Peace College would want to campaign as a “face of Peace.” But, I look at this list of people and realize that my resume is void of beheadings, excommunication, social upheaval and genocide. I will clasp the title of lush, alcoholic and boozehound tightly to my chest while gazing up at the pillars of Peace College’s Main building. Actually, if you ever do see this happen – call the ambulance, I might have alcohol poisoning. 

cultural chess anthropology chess

I really do pay attention in class. I just play chess while I'm doing it. I like to see it like it  exercises my brain more by participating in multiple activities at once. It's multitasking boot camp. Besides, it not like I'm setting up a board and all the little pieces. THAT would be distracting. No no, I take Sarah's laptop, which as a chess program,  and from time to time raise my hand to interject a tid bit of my own personal reflection just to throw everyone off. 

Of course, there are a couple of problems. Every so often my interjections are explicits which attracted a few giggles from my classmates that sit in my near proximity. This happens when my rook on h4 is taken by the queen on d8 which can glide magically (and diagonally) across the board. 

Another problem is that I have come to the realization that Sarah's Macbook Pro is a cheating bastard. It's very rare when I am in the position to actually win. However, there are five times (out of roughly 65 games) that I have been in such position. An example of this was when I just happened, mostly by accident, put Mr. Pro's king in check by my knight leaving only two possible escape routes, one of which is blocked by my bishop - but then.. nothing. The computer all of a sudden freezes.  This isn't a "Oh look, you won. Congratulations." type of thing. There CLEARLY is another way to have his king seek safety. Now, this might cause him to sacrifice his queen, but he clearly has not lost yet. Yet, I get nothing. The pieces just stare back at me like he's saying "You know, I really don't want to play anymore.." I shoot daggers at the screen. 

"What an asshole" I say outloud.

The class snickers. My professor looks offended.

please excuse me over-it-ness

I'm sitting in Religion. That's about it. Just sitting here.

I have had to learn to push out any and all voices - unless it's Fanny or Sara asking me if we're drinking tonight in-which I blurt out a quick, forceful "YES!" then quickly fall back into my state of oblivion. 

Our professor is a 30something year old guy who went to seminary. He has never been drunk. He has never.. well... had.. um.. yeah... he's a virgin. He likes to talk about his girlfriend who he met on eHarmony and encourage us to try it. I'm not taking relationship advice from a guy who is known throughout campus for having a perpetual boner. 

My next gripe - overzealous ridiculously wealthy republicans who can't take a flippin' joke when I inform them that McCain is 23 years older than the state Palin governs. I'm sorry, I don't give a damn WHO you are - that shit's funny!

And also, my advice to the next shmuck who decides to pick an election year to nail the underage daughter of a vice presidential candidate who is known for her staunch "prolife" stance: wear a rubber dipshit.

Well I guess a shot gun wedding is fitting for a member of the NRA. 

"Looky Sarah! We got one o' them queers to plan your daughter's wedding to make it fancy!!"

Let's get crazy!

Steel Blue!

clickme.

Back at'cha!

So I once again have contracted a ridiculous illness that has set me back in every aspect of my life right now.

I really do plan on writing about all the insane adventures that have already taken place, but the nyquil has kicked in (that green moonshine has become a bit of a crutch lately) and I must rest. 

I will, however, quickly go over my class schedule!

Monday/Wednesday/Friday

10am - Cultural Anthropology

12pm - College Algebra

2pm - Senior Ethics (Mon./Wed. only)

Tuesday/Thursday

9:30am - Walking (hey, everyone has to take a PEH class)

11am - Introduction to Religion

2pm - Vietnam History

So there we go. Of course, that doesn't count the meetings and time spent at work. S'ok - just another day in the life of V!

Stay tuned, I WILL be writing when I'm more.. well.. coherent.

love.

fried chicken.

I have had this complete obsession with obtaining a gorilla costume for quite some time now. What I found when shopping for said furry outfit I noticed they were all quite scary and intimidating. Now, I don't want that to be what my gorilla conveys to my adoring public!

SO, I have changed my mind and now am on a quest to work into my budget (which somehow has been occupied by these ridiculous things called BILLS) a CHICKEN SUIT!

I mean, HELLO! Where have I been?! A chicken suit is where it's at! I can only imagine what havoc and ridiculousness I would cause around campus my final year at Peace College. Not convinced? Just look at the damn thing! It screeeeeams V all over it!

What's up chicken butt?

Only thing better would be a chicken driving a golf cart - also in progress.

P90FUCKMYSHITUP

So we bought that P90X program. Well, strike that - Sarah bought it and I'm using it. She/We.. whatever.. purchased it a little while ago and it had been taking up space next to the Wii game system in the tv cabinet. It was then moved to the shelf were it vacated a spot snugly wedged between various history books. I decided to take the initiative and start the program recently. I read the books. I watched the preDVD. I even set up my own random charts which consisted of workout times and what to eat and when to eat it. It's a great program. HOWEVER, I am very convinced on one thing.

Mr. whatshisface is clearly on cocaine. 

I know, I know, working out gets you all ENERGIZED and pumped on life (side note - while typing the word "pump" I first accidently wrote out the word "pimp." Pimped on life. I like it)... but I feel this guy goes a little beyond that and is under the influence of some sort of drug which he happened to cut into his supplement plan.  Even right behind me, the TV is on pause and he's striking his heisman stance with a look in his eyes of pure fervor.

The guy is flat out scary folks - and don't be surprised when he has a heart attack from speed balling on hard drugs and protein shakes.

KENYANS!

I just started taking these pills (thanks mom). They're magic pills. No wait - that would be vicodin. Anyway, it's just a supplement that you take once a day 15 to 30 minutes before breakfast or lunch. You know, one of those speedupyourmetabolismlikeyoujustshovedcrackupyourass pills. I usually don't feel much from them - except when I feel like they aren't working and borderline overdose on them then nearly suffocate in my pillows (gee, that was FUN). However, this one makes me all tweaky. I'm not kidding. I think I just folded 75289134021763078 sweatshirts in less than 3 minutes. So, in honor of supplements that harness the energy of crystal meth I thought this video would be appropriate.

400 BABIES!!!!!


Now, please excuse me while I run 5,000 laps around the bookstore while breaking hangers over my face.


ener-V!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bookstored.

I'm so bored.
I'm the kind of bored that actually physically HURTS.

It's not like anyone is even coming in here because they are scared away by the massive constuction going on directly next to me. Seriously. People are literally knocking down walls. Actually, it sounds like they are attempting to demolish this building from the inside out. I kind of wish they would. I would get the rest of the day off.

I want to go on an epic adventure. Alas, yo no tengo dinero - aka, I'm broke as a joke because of bills. I haven't been to the beach once. I'm from Florida for Christ's sake! I'm uber-European white and it's not like I'm getting any sun in Raleigh because we've been having biblical storms. You know - massive flooding, lightning striking the golden images of my pagan gods.. and locusts, can't forget the locusts. Okay, so it's just been raining a lot.

Everyone has been chatting on with me about their great summer trips and here I am... work... class... sleep. Work.. class.. sleep. Work.. class.. sleep. Thankfully this is my last week of clase de espanol. I have decided that I hate spanish and would rather learn something of more interest - tagalog for instance.

Shit. I think I have homework. Maybe that will distract the pain of boredom for the time being. At the very least it will replace it with cramps of frustration.

v.

Looking Towards the Future

These videos leave me beaming with American pride. I cannot WAIT to see what the next wave of young people bring to our great country.

His Friend Smokes REAL Cigarettes 

I have now lost count of how many times a day I say, "I wanted to do hood rat stuff wit my friends!" 

We Share That In Common

They will never interview anyone live again.

So there you have it. Two shining examples of why I'm moving to Europe.

Door Gym Gem

I just thought it should be known that although it might be true that working out can be calming, relaxing and rewarding, installing work out EQUIPMENT has the opposite effect. (Affect? Effect? You know, that still give me problems to this very day).

While installing a "door gym" I was faced with the difficult task of fastening door brackets and wrestling with elastic cords. Both left me contemplating putting them to use as a noose instead of a calorie burning apparatus. However, I'm sure that would leave me feeling like even more of a failure as I bobbed up and down losing consciousness at the bottom only to regain it as the bungee snapped me back up over and over again.

I keep glancing at the door as the brackets hang loosely from the top, almost mockingly. The extra parts are sitting next to the box with a picture of a guy who is operating a perfectly assembled door gym. I have named him Jim - and I hate him.

"You're gunna touch me"

Completely Uncalled For

I don't really have anything else to say about this except for watch it. I LOVE these guys.

theend.

Tatt-who?

Inked professionals. Now all I need is.. well.. to be a professional!

Please oh please check out the above website. Sure makes you wonder what that doc has under his/her coat, eh? Hey - get your damn mind out of the gutter! I was totally amazed by this and cannot waaaait to be among the successful and tattooed. 

Step on over criminals, transients and the hepatitis positive! Mama's gunna be a big girl now!

Stop Saying Words

I think I understand why the college degree has become the equivalent to the high school diploma. The reason being is because of the rising number of IDIOTS who are soiling the great institutions of higher learning. Everyday I come into contact with someone who I am amazed can convert oxygen into carbon dioxide, let alone pass enough classes to obtain a piece of paper that certifies that they are semi-intelligent. 

Take for instance - There is a girl (I say girl, but I'm pretty sure that the large amounts of METH has aged her body considerably) in one of my history classes who drives me to lose all hope for education at all levels nationwide.  She plops into her desk everyday and rambles on about how many chapters she read the night before as if that would trigger OOO's and AHH's at her intellectual prowess....

 No, I am not impressed at the fact that you will ask a question about the Cold War when we are discussing World War II just because you read ahead of everyone.  I am not impressed that you ask what kind of benefits the Prime Minister of England receives like you have this grand life plan to take over Great Britain. Nor am I impressed that you try to argue with John Crossno (my history GOD) about who did what when and why it was really important. 

YOU are an IDIOT and do not deserve to be in the same class room as me. 

I hate you. I hate staring at the back of your head (because you insist on sitting at the very front of the class so that the professor will be sure to see your hand waving frantically back and forth like you are a Pentecostal having a religious seizure). I hate hearing your voice. I hate when your head tilts to the side while you chew on your pencil pretending to be deep in thought when I KNOW you have had all you ridiculous questions formed out ahead of time. I hate that when Crossno forgets an exact date and you flip through your text book at lightning speed like this is some kind of bible drill competition on speed.  And I hate that you take and extra long time packing your 394183419854235 note books up just so you can engage in conversation with Crossno.. when HE hates you too!

I wish she would read this. But for now, you get to and even that makes me feel just a bit better.

*sign* I need a fucking beer.

V

Today is THE day. I mean, this is IT.

It's February 14th, 2008.

That equates to VALENTINE MADNESS!!

Actually, right not is Valentine madness because this is when I wait till the very last second to bring some sort of order to the many many boxes of assorted goodness. So here I am with a floor scattered in pink/red/white...

..and SKULLS?

Who cares is I have a 200+ page book to read accompanied by a 5 page book review to do?! This is V-DAY!! I'm sure my professors will understand. I mean, come on! I come bearing fuzzy handcuffs.. how can you not LOVE that??

Ah shit. In all seriousness I will finish my ASSignment, then dive into Valentine Overboardness later tonight...

...after I steal another shopping cart from K-Mart for disbursement purposes.

Peace and Conversation Hearts,

M-F'ing Cupid

Too Late to Make Sense

Yia Sou!

(that's hello in Greek by the way)

It's nearly 2:00a.m. and I am clearly still awake. It's more of that awake where you're ruining on pure adrenaline.. or insanity.. pick one. 

I've spent the past forever binge studying. I've figured out what's wrong with the country. It's true. I have the ONE single answer that sums up everything that is wrong with our nation: Our History Is BORING. 

Seriously. To put it quite blunty - it sucks.

Our professor (who is a temp.. who is lame... and I'm pretty sure he hates his life and takes it out on us) informed us that we should study ALL "bold" terms for our exam. Besides there being 894734241361594764 of them I, along with my procrastinating cohorts, were appalled at those words who met the criteria of a bold term. 

Ghost Dance - A cycle of song and dance the Sioux rocked out to

William F. "Buffalo Bill" Cody - He killed 4300 bison....

Department Store - No. Seriously. DEPARTMENT STORE.

Trees were murdered, ink was laid on extra thick just so these words would stick out in our reading and critical analyzation.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this completely and utterly ridiculous. Of course, you must understand that I'm running on sugar free Red Bull and vicodin. 

I'm rambling. I apologize. It's 2:00a.m. and I have 4 hours to sleep before I wake up and learn what a mugwump is.

Peace.Love.Beer.,

V-izzle

Osmosis - a process of absorption or diffusion suggestive of the flow of osmotic action: a usually effortless often unconscious assimilation: what V does 2:00a.m. when she doesn't want to study no mo'

Oooo.. technology. *drool*

Hola.

So, I've decided to start this here blog site just for random bits of life updating. Curious about what I do on a day to day basis?

What..? No?

Then leave, damnit!

In all seriousness, this will be the latest of happenings in my ever-so-exciting life (and that's HALF sarcasm, by the way). Granted, some of the more gory details might be left out. After all, I do have an image to uphold here! Mostly, this will probably be a lot of rambling that most people would not care to read. Of course, I can be clever and witty from time to time.. so maybe this will at least bring a bit of amusement to a few minutes of your life. 

However, this blog is boring. Think of this as more of a mission statement. 

Anyway. 

Homework awaits.

So does a beer. 

Lovelyness,

V

aka Captain

aka Batman

aka The Coolest Person You Will Ever Meet