Leadershit through the ages

I have a serious question for all of you – do I look responsible?

 

I am willing to guess that a decent number of will respond with “NO” in a certain amount of haste. It still amazes me that I have been placed into any position where I wield an extensive amount of power, responsibility and decision making. You give me a budget of thousands of dollars? Really?! You’re lucky I don’t take the bulk of my Class Council finances, blow it on liquor and booze only for the excuse to call is a “Senior Class Meeting.” I laugh at you, dear Peace College, that you have allowed me the prestigious title of Senior Class President.

 

Then again, at times I ponder over the idiotic predicament the school has allowed themselves to fall into. Clearly, there are, and have been, worse leaders than I. For the sake of myself, and the beloved institute of Peace, let us look a little more deeply into these cataclysmic cases of clout carrying catastrophes.

 

15th Century – Vald the Impaler

            He was clearly admired by someone, that of course being Bram Stoker since he is the inspiration for his forever famous blood yearning character, Dracula. The real life Vlad had quite the reputation. While holding the crown of Wallachain he was known for his, um, excessive force in controlling the invasion of his enemies. The German stories of our dear buddy Vlad include impaling, torturing, burning, skinning, roasting, and boiling people, feeding people the flesh of their friends or relatives, cutting off limbs, drowning, and nailing people's hats to their heads. His victims included men and women of all ages, religions and social classes. Clearly, he was well rounded and by no means discriminatory!

 

16^th Century – Henry VIII

            I was once told of King Henry VIII greatness and vision due to his starting the Church of England. Look kids, a lot of people start churches; that doesn’t make them all great vessels of our Holy Father. After all, Warren Jeffs was seen as a divine leader of his little religious sect – COUGHcultCOUGH. Now look, he’s jailed for sex crimes out the wahzoo. But I digress. Good ol’ Henry broke away from the Church because of his inability to, well, keep it in his pants. Apparently the Church looks down on that. Maybe I’ll start my OWN religion – The Grande Church of Promiscuous Homosexuality.

 

Late 1800’s – Jefferson Davis

            The guy just didn’t know when to say when. President of the Confederate States of America he couldn’t seem to hack it against a larger... more equipped... technologically advanced Union. Yet he pressed on! – Which I must commend him for somewhat. His “nah, we’ll get’em!” approached prolonged a war that had been over long before it really did manage to come to an end. Captured and charged for treason he was eventually stripped of all eligibility to run for any kind of public office. Maybe he should have started a cult with Jeffs.

 

Early 1900’s – Adolf Hitler

            The fact that I have to say anything about this gem of a man worries me. I pray that just listing him is enough. If not, welcome to planet Earth and be sure to read a damn book.

 

Mid 1900’s – Joesph Stalin

            Joe sure didn’t know how to keep friends. Upon his coming into power the 1930’s saw him pull a remarkable move known as the “Great Purge.” This nifty little act off-ed nearly every single person in the Communist Party that had brought him into power. It was said that nearly 1.2 million party members were arrested and 600,000 were tortured and executed. Apparently he wasn’t a comrade to watch Sunday Night Football with.

 

1970’s – Pol Pot

            Communism just hasn’t faired well, now has it? Under Mr. Pot 25% of Cambodia’s population keeled over from either A) Starvation B) Being Overworked C) Executions or D) All of the above. Apparently he has an “out with the old, in with the new” view point as well, ridding the “old society” of disloyal bastards by shooting them or, I kid you not, “bludgeoning” them with an ax. Good show ol’ chap.

 

1980’s to now – Robert Mugabe

            Now how does someone take a nation with a life expectancy of 62 and have it plummet to 38? Oh, Mugabe, how Zimbabwe loves you. He even launched a campaign names Operation Murambatsvina a.k.a. “Clean the Filth.” It’s quite obvious his PR people were working over time on that one. Especially with it being so successful at evicting 700,000 people to “restore order and sanity.” Um, kids, I think you missed one.

 

I would pick on G.W.B., but I feel that I have sufficiently boosted my morale.

 

So maybe I’m not the picture perfect class president. Maybe I’m not what Peace College would want to campaign as a “face of Peace.” But, I look at this list of people and realize that my resume is void of beheadings, excommunication, social upheaval and genocide. I will clasp the title of lush, alcoholic and boozehound tightly to my chest while gazing up at the pillars of Peace College’s Main building. Actually, if you ever do see this happen – call the ambulance, I might have alcohol poisoning.