The right writer for the job.

I got a "job." The quotations will drop as soon as I get the tax forms to fill out. Then it becomes a JOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB. See how much more intense that is?


It's a little copy writing gig for a small company based out of Pittsburgh. I was skeptical at first:

1) Because it's in Pittsburgh and I don't trust a town that is represented by professional athlete known for multiple attempts at rape/sexual assault. I make sure I put the multiple in there because if I didn't I'm sure I would have to steer clear of most major U.S. cities.

and

2) They specifically asked me to NOT send in my resume. Instead, they wanted a creative "cover letter" that would catch their attention.

I was almost offended by that request. So, the subject of my email stated how I didn't want to send them my resume anyway. I continued on in the body of my email/cover letter how I was impressed with my resume and they didn't deserve to read it. I also told them that my degree hung on my wall like the head of a prized woodland creature. That statement is false and misleading for two reasons- my degree is NOT hanging because I can't afford to frame it and I hate hunting.

Apparently they liked the abuse I dished them because they hired me. This is when I realized that the company was run by women, because women love that tough love shit. I can say this without being sexist because I'm a woman... and I'm kidding of course. Kind of.

Now, the interesting stuff. My first assignment is to re-write multiple pages of a hunting website. Again I mention, I don't hunt. Of course I started off taking the subject matter very seriously. However, that's not the kind of writer I am. So, on a tirade I started writing things like:

Welcome to -----------.com. WE HELP YOU KILL SHIT. WE HELP YOU KILL SHIT DEAD.

THAT DEER YOU HATE- FUCKIN' KILL IT! WE'LL HELP YOU DO IT!

QUAIL?? WE'LL SELL YOU A SHOT GUN TO BLOW THE FEATHER FUCKER UP!!!!!!!!!

BIG HORN SHEEP?? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT ON IT'S HEAD?? BLOW IT OFF!!!

BEAR???? Nah. Those are too big. You're on your own there, buddy.



I don't think that's what they want, though. I may have some editing to do.
And maybe I should stop drinking so much coffee/tea/crack.