I love cartoons. There are about three genres of television that I watch on a regular basis: the news, history shows and cartoons. Since I feel that cartoons have been in my life longer than the other two, I’m naturally going to be slightly biased. Hey, if you’re going to watch Fox News then I’m going to watch Nickelodeon. Don’t judge me lest I break your remote control.
I do wish they made cartoons the way they used to. I hate those kinds of statements because they’re the ones that I used to roll my eyes at when I was a kid. Now, I am enlightened and slightly aged like the finest of wines. I’m not that classy though, so let’s switch that to bourbon. Bourbon and cartoons – my God, I’m sophisticated.
But seriously, cartoons now are for pussies. Where’s the racism? Where’s the violence? Why the fuck is everything Japanese-esqe? Awful, just awful. Old Looney Toons cartoons where the best. I used to have VHS tapes of the old WWII shows. Daffy as Hitler. Bugs Bunny, along with the little gremlins, unknowingly aiding the destruction of U.S. fighter planes. Stereotypes left and right that took on the Jews, Germans, Japanese, Blacks and more. They actually did a jazz remake of Snow White with the characters in black face. Now, before you gasp and scold me for finding this offensive material funny – historians often defend this cartoon as one of the best ever made. After all, it reflects the cultural differences of the early part of the 20th century to now. History folks, history.
De Sebben?! Your lack of shame brings me laughs.
Where are these cartoons now? – cancelled. Locked in a vault or stored within the Ark of the Covenant. Can you believe that they stopped showing Speedy Gonzales cartoons because it offended Mexicans? I am Mexican and I loved him! No one can take a joke these days. I’m willing to bet that if I took a picture of a Mexican eating a taco and posted it on the internet I would have the racism card slapped in my face faster than my mom could finish that taco.
Okay, so let’s remove the racism for a moment. Looney Toons still had others flaws. My biggest issue: Taz the Tasmanian Devil. He looks absolutely nothing like the little devil from Tasmania. Bugs Bunny clearly looks like a rabbit. Porky Pig is undoubtedly a pig. Foghorn Leghorn is a giant rooster – although, unlike those previously stated, his name does not reflect his animal origin (this also annoys me). But Taz looks nothing like the real life animal he is meant to represent.
Perhaps there is a reason behind this. If there is, I might actually know the answer. It may be because a real honest- to-goodness Tasmanian devil is fucking atrocious. A Tasmanian devil seems to be the strange hybrid of a dog, a cat and a rat. That is a trifecta of natural enemies. God does have a sense of humor. The sound they make is a blood-curling screech. And, I have read, they smell “pungent” which is nice way of saying “smells like shit.” The best they could do with the cartoon representation is have him spin around like a drunkard who has discovered Crystal Meth, give him a caveman-like speech impediment and have him drool like a geriatric on the way out the door. Taz the Tasmanian Devil is a failure in my eyes.
Maybe Taz just had a lot of work done.
So, the moral of this story is that I can deal with racism as a form of humor. However, a poor exemplification of a member of the animal kingdom – I’m out folks. Oh, you think there’s something wrong with my point of view? Fine. Then keep taking your kids to Disney World, you anti-Semite and tell Mr. Gibson I said shalom.
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