The right writer for the job.

I got a "job." The quotations will drop as soon as I get the tax forms to fill out. Then it becomes a JOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB. See how much more intense that is?


It's a little copy writing gig for a small company based out of Pittsburgh. I was skeptical at first:

1) Because it's in Pittsburgh and I don't trust a town that is represented by professional athlete known for multiple attempts at rape/sexual assault. I make sure I put the multiple in there because if I didn't I'm sure I would have to steer clear of most major U.S. cities.

and

2) They specifically asked me to NOT send in my resume. Instead, they wanted a creative "cover letter" that would catch their attention.

I was almost offended by that request. So, the subject of my email stated how I didn't want to send them my resume anyway. I continued on in the body of my email/cover letter how I was impressed with my resume and they didn't deserve to read it. I also told them that my degree hung on my wall like the head of a prized woodland creature. That statement is false and misleading for two reasons- my degree is NOT hanging because I can't afford to frame it and I hate hunting.

Apparently they liked the abuse I dished them because they hired me. This is when I realized that the company was run by women, because women love that tough love shit. I can say this without being sexist because I'm a woman... and I'm kidding of course. Kind of.

Now, the interesting stuff. My first assignment is to re-write multiple pages of a hunting website. Again I mention, I don't hunt. Of course I started off taking the subject matter very seriously. However, that's not the kind of writer I am. So, on a tirade I started writing things like:

Welcome to -----------.com. WE HELP YOU KILL SHIT. WE HELP YOU KILL SHIT DEAD.

THAT DEER YOU HATE- FUCKIN' KILL IT! WE'LL HELP YOU DO IT!

QUAIL?? WE'LL SELL YOU A SHOT GUN TO BLOW THE FEATHER FUCKER UP!!!!!!!!!

BIG HORN SHEEP?? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT ON IT'S HEAD?? BLOW IT OFF!!!

BEAR???? Nah. Those are too big. You're on your own there, buddy.



I don't think that's what they want, though. I may have some editing to do.
And maybe I should stop drinking so much coffee/tea/crack.

Conversations with Local Beers

Ready... set... DRINK!

"Hello again, Red Oak. How are you?"
"Oh yeah? That's nice!"

"Oh, you want me to drink your beer? Well, if you insist."

"Hm, this isn't your normal brew."

"Battlefield Bock, you say?"

"Oh yes, I do indeed love it!"

This is an example of a conversation that I typically have with my beers. Don't you judge me. But yes, Red Oak has more than just their signature namesake beverage. Battlefield Bock is a Bavarian style bock that I enjoy even more than the original amber lager. It pours very dark and with caramel head. Instantly you get a whiff of chocolate. Two of my favorite things just happen to be beer and chocolate, so Battlefield Bock has me from the get-go. The taste is similar to the smell: chocolate and malty. No hops really found, which is not a negative at all. It seems like it should be heavy, but it's not. Not like a thick stout, but with some of the characteristics I enjoy from a stout. It's mild, sweet and very drinkable.

"Good job, Red Oak."

"What's that you say, little Greensboro brewery?"

"Oh, you're welcome!"

"Oh, nice of you to join us Sweet Josie."

"Yes, I know you're from Raleigh, like me."

"I'm enjoying Battlefield right now, but... wow! You're pushy."

"Okay, okay. Let me see what you got."

Lonerider's brown ale, Sweet Josie pours a dark brown (a little darker than most brown ales I've had) with slight flashes of amber. It looks nice enough. Has a bit of a toasty-roasty smell. Yeah, I said it: toasty-roasty. I got some chocolate taste in there and more hops than my previous glass o' goodness. There is definitely more hops present in this one, however. Still, the drinkability is high and I could see myself getting in trouble with this girl.

"Sweet Josie, what are you doing later?"

"Yeah? You dirty tramp, you."

"Hey there, Aviator! I didn't know you were from the outskirts of Raleigh- in good ol' Fuquay-Varina."

"Yeah, I agree. There really isn't anything else going on there."

"A beer? For ME? Why, thank you!"

HotRod Red is Aviators Irish Red. A very bright red pour with an off-white head gives way to a light aroma of malt. Very slight hops. Actually, the aroma isn't strong enough to pick up anything else. The flavor has more hops than the smell, but in a good way. The hoppiness and the malts are blended fairly well. Also, the finish is nice - clean and not much lingering. Decent little beer from the brewery outside of Raleigh.

"Yes, Avaitor, ya done good."

Let the Catch-Up Begin...

Looking through my beers notes, I've noticed there is a lot of catching up to do. This is okay. I'm taking a sabbatical from beer. Oh, don't fret. It's temporary. I'm on a diet of sorts right now. I only drink it if it's clear - this means water... and vodka. Calories, my friends, calories. So, this gives me ample time to pick up the pace of my beer blogs without constantly adding to my list - and waistline.

Let us start with the Highland Gaelic. giggle nearly every time I say the word Gaelic. So, ordering this got me a look from my server that said, "Grow up, dipshit, and drink this while you're at it." I obliged and was happy to do so. I do love a good amber ale, after all. It looked nice. They don't call it an amber for nothin' and this one followed suit. It poured a coppery-brown with just a light head. It smelled surprisingly sweet, however. Brown sugar and hops is the best I could get out of it. I'm not sure if it was just that simple or if I was still chuckling as a read the word Gaelic over and over in my head. The taste was a mix of malt and fruits that ended on a bitter note. Every once in a while I could taste that sweetness of that brown sugar smell. Decent beer. I liked.... GAELIC..... Okay, I'm done.

I clearly felt the need to step up my game, because I jumped into something a little stronger. Victory Yakima Twilight is the product of that leap. This one rings in at an 8.7%abv.

I was a little confused by the name, because it too much resembles an anime cartoon shown on late night Cartoon Network. But, I tried it for two reasons: 1. It's an IPA and I said I wanted something stronger and 2. I have to try 200+ beers anyway, so why not. When I poured it into the glass I was instantly taken aback. This was not a typical IPA. This was a BLACK IPA (also known as a dark IPA). Instead of the usual light, hazy characteristics this beer poured a reddish-brown. I stared at it for awhile. I'm scared at this point. I'm not racist in my beers, but because I don't like being snuck up on and I feel has already done so. Now what? Oh yeah, smell it. Hops, instantly. Duh, I know, it's an IPA. But this was an extraordinary smell of hops. Very strong and almost spicy. A little hint of caramel, but only slightly. The sweetness comes out more in the flavor and then the bitter hops hits you at the finish. A little citrus zest is thrown in there for good measure. All in all, I really enjoyed it.

Oh, and the name - NOT an anime. It actually comes from the Yakima Valley in Washington where the hops are farmed. The Yakima Valley is home to about 75% of the hop acreage in America. So, BAM! mo-fos. Knowledge.

And to round it all off, we have Founders Dirty Bastard.

This Scotch Ale from Michigan weighs in at a respectable 8.5%abv. This beer poured a nice deep, dark red and had a lot of earthy tones in the aroma. The dark sweetness is subtle, but very pleasant. It had a beginning taste of dried dark fruits - cherries maybe. Bitter chocolate a little bit of sweeter vanilla. Basically, I loved it, as I do most beers from Founders.

Now, as mentioned before, don't you dare think I've stopped my quest. I haven't- especially since I'm a paid member at FS and would never let that go to waste! But I'm a vain girl and need my break to let my body recover. I say this while I sip vodka and soda, so clearly my liver is not included in this recovery. Happy drinking, all!

Wwwwhhhhyyyyy???????????

Birds sound like sirens at 4:30 A.M. Even more annoying is the fact that the night time crickets are so unwilling to give up their shift so easily. Now it's just a battle of sounds that just makes me want to shove the dying flowers from last month stem deep in my ears.

Just wanted to say hi to those out there that actually get up at this time. I think you are all crazy and are in serious need of Tylenol PM and a stuffed bear. Go back to sleep.

I Need Beer.. and a Job.

My beer consumption has slowed down considerably. This is not out of lack of desire. Unfortunately my taste for exceptional brews and lack of funds available make it difficult to live the life of a beer snob. I am half-tempted to peruse my beloved bar in search of desperate boys who are willing to buy me an eight dollar beer with wanting nothing in return. This would go against everything I believe it - but, like I said, it's tempting.

I also have been job hunting. Which is why my blog has been going long periods of time with no new words. My apologies. If you know of anyone who wants to hire a semi-pro beer consumer who is looking to go pro (with pay, of course) please point me in their general direction. I am thirsty and becoming increasingly sad.

For now - CareerBuilder and Monster are calling my name. Both of these have given me no leads, so I am close to shooing away the Monster that's supposed to be Building me some sort of Career. After all, I hear those people who do "professional massages" on Craigslist are doing pretty well.

An Education and a Beer

I return, yet again! This time baring great news: I have finally completed my time as a college student. Well, as an undergraduate student (now excuse me while I stare out into the void and ponder my next step in academia)....

Okay, whew, back. Yes, I have finished my degree and was lucky enough to have my parents join me in my beloved Raleigh, North Carolina. There was no better way to wrap up such an epic era of college brew-ha-ha-ness then at my dearest little pub - The Flying Saucer. And epic era ending calls for epic beer consumption. That night was not so much quantity (no, no, that would come the next night on my actual graduation day) as quality. After briefing my parents on the extensive list of beers,they offered to aid in the celebration by purchasing one of the best on the menu: Allagash Curieux. At $25 a 750 ml bottle, I would be need to be stripped of my newly acquired degree if turned down.


Now, let me just say that I am a boubon drinker. I am also, clearly,a beer drinker. These are two things that make me unbelievably happy. When you merge these two together, it's much like two unicorns making love and producing offspring of rainbows, sunshine and this very beer.
The pour was golden (as it very well should be) and produced a decent head with light lacing. The fact that this is Allagash's Tripel Ale aged eight weeks in Jim Beam barrels is evident in the aroma. The boubon influence is noted first in the smell, but not it is not overwhelming. The taste, oh my heavens... yeast with citrus and warm, vanilla like bourbon. This is a sipping beer, because the warmth of the bourbon taste might overwhelm some. Not me, of course, but some.

I did, however, read and midget's handful of reviews that denounced the strong presence of bourbon flavor and I have dubbed them pussies of the highest nature, whose blasphemous tongues should be stripped of all flavor sensing capabilities.

I have been spoiled and refuse to wait till I complete a Masters program for my next bottle. So, be sure to donate on paypal (on your right hand side of the screen) so that I can enjoy this experience again. Hell, or just come out and join me!

Cheers.

Accomplishing Life and Other Things

So, I have a brand new way for you to follow what I'm doing - other than this wonderful site, of course! This one is a little more personal though. I have always kept a list of things I have wanted to do in my life. Call it what you want - a life list, a bucket list, whatever - but it's something that I had gotten away from about three or more years ago. I've started again and found this amazing website that allows you to not just post and organize this list, but always write and share with others about what you want to accomplish, how you did and how you fell about it. It's mylifelist.org and it's pretty amazing. I've started one, of course, and if you join we can share our accomplishments together!
I've already checked off one thing and finally conquered my intense fear of donating blood.









Also, I have many more beers to add. Bare with me here folks! :)